An Update on the Three Musketeers Movie


I take that back.

I mean, I will go see the movie, but I wont be going for the same reasons.

Since when did a mid-17th century lady become part of The Matrix?

And since when did steampunk become historically accurate for every time period?


No..I'm serious.

Did I miss the memo?

And what the hell was that flying ninja crap with Mila wearing some weird ass stay/corset bastard child and a wrap of taffeta?


No. What was up with the ninja?


And the costumes made it look so promising.

Oh. Did I mention they filmed it in 3D?

Orlando better be naked to justify that ridiculous notion that a live action bastardization steampunk/ninja/baroque/5th Element film that is being called The Three Musketeers.

...I'm a bit disappointed. Can you tell?

Am I over-reacting? I'm mostly just disappointed because the cast is pretty stellar, and the stills from shooting looked quite good from what I could see..

Let's just hope the film is better than the preview.


  1. oh gaw. Watched trailer, yes, I agree with everything you say in your post. Wow, seriously? Ever try to wear a baroque gown, Hollywood? (one that's constructed properly?) can't lift your all. Looks like a netflixer for me...

  2. This is the kind of movie that calls for a drinking game - take a drink every time someone pulls a matrix move, two shots for every time the ninja appears, three shots for every bit of random Steampunkery, etc.

  3. So it's not just me! I watched the trailer yesterday and was soooo disappointed! I had been looking forward to this movie and this, Hollywood, is what you give me? Baroque ninjas? Meh.

  4. AmDuch:I know, right? And what's sad, is that the still, the gowns looked okay. Everything had a nice promise to it's a great cast! Ruined. Just. Ruined.

    BvB: Done & Done. Brilliant idea!

    Felicia: I am so happy to know I wasn't over reacting and other people feel the same way! This is just starting to feel like it will become Cowboys vs Aliens, except, with cowboys vs aliens, you know what to expect from the title...

  5. Hmm ... I had mixed feelings watching the trailer. Though somehow this is the first I knew of there even being a new Three Musketeers film in the pipeline - where have I been?! That does mean I didn't have excited expectations watching the trailer, so probably left me a bit more open to whatever it might contain ...

    The first bit had me saying 'ninja, WTF???' And that is probably the bit that most rankles me.

    I'll admit, I was a bit distracted with excitement when I saw the swordfighting, though ... and ... a flying ship. OK, it's not accurate, but it is a FLYING SHIP. That is cool.

    I think the main problem is that it's claiming to be a Three Musketeer film when it doesn't seem to know its Dumas from its dumb ass. Calling itself a Musketeer film is just setting itself up for failure with die-hard Musketeer fans. I know it wants to cash in on a well-known name, but it's, at most, only inspired by the book and the reference could be made by using the work Musketeer in the title. It would be better off marketing itself as a fun historical-fantasy romp with plenty of swashbuckling and little historical accuracy. For instance, Marie Antoinette made it clear that it wasn't going for 100% accuracy through the music, colours and typefaces used in its marketing.

    I don't have a problem with Mila kicking arse in the film, as long as it's made clear somewhere that she wears modified clothing that allows her a greater range of movement.

    If I do go and watch it, I definitely won't bother seeing it in 3D - that makes my eyes hurt!

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for it being better than it looks - I'm kinda hoping they've just put the most ridiculous elements in the trailer while the rest of the film is actually more believeable.

  6. GWT: Dumas from Dumbass ... I DIE. I about fell out of my chair from laughing, hilarious! I am also really hoping that they got all the crazy crap out of the way in this preview, and in all actuality it's not as ridiculous as it seems.

    For me, what is so... annoying is that the stills made it look so promising as did the casting choices. If I had an inkling that this was going to be just a 17th century pirates meets musketeers meets wild wild west meets avatar 3D I wouldn't be so vexed.

    In other news, on my facebook it was discussed how steam punk isn't quite technically what kind of punk shall this be?

    hrm... I think I'm going to start a poll. :)

  7. Ack!!!!! WTH people! Really, what happened to historical accuracy in movies. I mean a little poetic license is ok within reason. But omg!!!! This is disappointing. Well, we'll probably see it too, but I won't like it I'm sure :P

  8. GWT--Dumas from dumb ass = best comment I have seen in such a long time! I agree w/GWT--if this was set up as a pseudo-historical fantasy fluff, cool. But it really wasn't from what I could tell. Sigh. Of course...this is nothing new in historical movies. New Moon with Jeanette McDonald? Claudette Colbert in Drums Along the Mohawk? Almost anything made in the 50s? All pseudo-historical but still I'll hope this is at least fun.

    Because I know my husband will make me go see it.

  9. Lauren is it because your hubby will want to go (like Rowenna) or is it a 'just because'? :)

    Rowenna: HAHA! You can do what I always do with most historical films and just bitch the entire way through (that's wrong. That's wrong. Inaccurate. What the hell is she wearing...WHAT THE HELL IS HE WEARING?!) They'll never want to watch a movie like that again. ;) Anyways, I agree, with the stills, it looked like it was going to be legit...and that's what hurts my heart so badly...

  10. Haha, thanks - here I was thinking my dumbass/Dumas pun would be too obvious and I very nearly didn't put it in! I'm glad I did since it gave so much entertainment!! :)

    Abby - I would suggest that rather than steampunk, since the steam engine wasn't invented yet, perhaps this is clockpunk? IE, technology based on clockwork mechanics in a time period pre-steam-engine. Though if the flying ship (FLYING SHIP - I'm sorry, this still excites me - blame the Edge Chronicles) is simply powered like a hot air balloon, then maybe it's thermopunk (which I just made up - at least clockpunk is in Wikipedia and is an actual steampunk sub-genre). Anyway, those are my thoughts on the what-punk question!


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